It was glorious Vermont summer day. I was in a great mood. My editor Suzanne and I had a productive morning and had stopped to make copies of some chapters in my upcoming book.
Before entering the store, Suzanne warned me, watch out, Kate, the woman in there is really unhappy. As we approached the counter, another customer asked Kate, “How’s it going?” Gruffly without turning around Kate replied, “It’s going”. I thought to myself. She probably has a mantra that’s something like: I’m the kind of person no one appreciates. I work hard and for what?
Just think, if someone says this over and over consciously or not, to herself. How would a person behave if she felt justifiably angry and undervalued? She’d probably act in ways that drove people away. And as she drove them away, she’d feel unappreciated. And so it goes. There’s the vicious cycle that makes her unhappy. And therefore, grouchy. And a grouchy person, as we all know, can put a sour tinge on the day.
So how do you turn that grouchiness around and make a bad experience into a piece of yippee?
You step out of the cycle. And 99% of the time that means appreciation.
When I saw Kate, I noticed she had the most beautiful blue eyes, and I told her so. I said, they match the color of your shirt. I smiled, not really expecting a response. Much to my surprise, Kate told me she was the only blue-eyed daughter among four girls. I said, that makes you really special. She beamed. Well, I always was the blue girl in my family, the odd one. They never knew where I came from.
Was that family the start of her mantra of being unappreciated? I’ll never know. But by appreciating her, I stepped out of her cycle. And she came with me. We had a good exchange and getting our copies was actually fun.
As we left the store, Suzanne told me she’d been going there seven years, and had never seen her smile.
What I hoped for Kate was that our short interchange gave her a tiny drop of feeling appreciated. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll be pleasanter with the next customer and they will respond in kind, helping to stop the vicious cycle. Who knows?
If you have a grouchy person in your life and are feeling the pain, step out of the cycle, tell them what you like about them, what you notice, what stands out, it can be their shoes, their hair, the way they do their job. Spread a little yippee and see how it changes their day. And yours…
Do it once this week and let me know how it goes. It’s hot and steamy sticky and crazy busy and everyone needs a little drop of yippeeee…
Until next Tuesday.
Yippee!
Elizabeth.
I think this is a little more difficult for a guy. Often I want to say something but feel it may be construed wrongly, particularly if I do not know the person. Last week, on a cruise just before dinner, I complemented a lady on her long, silk dress with a rather loud pattern and it was well received, but she wouldn’t wear that if she didn’t expect to get attention. If the dress had been a bit more demure or sexy, but equally attractive, I would/could not have said anything.
Thanks Bob for your comment. It may be a finer line for both men and women when complimenting the opposite sex on their appearance. Although a compliment delivered with sincerity and no hint of flirtatiousness is usually appreciated. One great way to recognize anyone is noticing how well they do their job. Such as “Thank you for handling my problem”. “It must be hard to handle so many people when there is a flight delay. I appreciate your help”. You get the drift.
e
Elizabeth, thank you so much for this story. It has obviously brought some light into her world and has put a smile on my face.
You have such a big heart…and that really is the secret to all those “yippee” moments.
When you love someone enough – even a total stranger- to be able to tell them they are great, especially when they have forgotten that important piece of information for themselves.
It was great to meet you and I look forward to seeing you again soon,
Love Sandra Biskind
Thanks Sandra,
You meet the public everyday, adding a sprinkle of YIPPEE when you can. You certainly did for me.
e
How do you handle an employee who is just rude and sometimes mean? She is a very grouchy person, and can be hateful at times.
Hi Gail,
If the person you mention is YOUR employee you don’t have to accept rudeness or mean behavior. Employees like that cost businesses their customers and their clients.
Check out this article I wrote http://gicoaches.com/what-to-do-about-heartbreakers-and-terrorists/
Would love to hear your comments.
You deserve to be able to say YIPPEE!