The Problem Solving Tool You Can’t Live Without

One of the most useful tools you can use for your life and your business is reframing.

Canadian-born Lila Scott, a brilliant psychoanalyst and mentor, first exposed me to the idea of reframing many years ago when I lived in Caracas.   She told me about a couple who came to her who were struggling to raise their teenage children. They were tired and frustrated and complained that their children were lazy and irresponsible.  They told Lila that they had to continually make arrangements for their activities, remind them of homework, play and sports practice, and  drive them to events and even to school when they weren’t ready when their ride arrived.

The parents believed that  “good parents” made sure their children weren’t missing out on anything.  Although a family member suggested they stop treating their teenagers as though they were small children, the parents felt that stopping would mean they were “bad parents”.

At last they consulted Lila, who realized that the couple had developed a definition or frame of “good parent” as: being fully in charge all the time of the details of their children’s lives.  When the kids were little, that would have been true, but not anymore.

Lila told them that being a good parent could be hard, it required sacrifice and doing things that were uncomfortable.  “Are you ready for that?” she asked them.

The parents nodded their heads, reconfirming their commitment to make whatever sacrifices were required to be good parents.

“Being a really “good parent” means doing less,” Lila told them.  “Good parents will allow their children to take responsibility and live with the consequences they create.  This will be hard for you.  Are you willing to be ‘good parents’?”

What Lila did was REFRAME what it meant to be a “good parent”.  This let the parents see their actions through a different lens, when they did, they could parent without so much stress and tension, and their family was happier all around.

As our lives–both personally and professionally—evolve, it’s critical to be able to reframe what it means to be a good leader, good citizen, good friend, indeed have a “good life”.

This week if you find yourself complaining or feeling uncomfortable in a situation, ask yourself if reframing your beliefs about what is “good” or “bad” may bring the change you seek.

Let me know what you discover!

Until next Tuesday.

Elizabeth