Moving Closer (The lesson I always forget!)

Is there someone who irritates you?  Who gets on your last nerve?  The one you least want to talk to at an office party or family gathering?  The one you find any excuse to cut short, lest you get trapped in a conversation you don’t want to have?

If you answered NO, consider yourself fortunate.  For most of us?  There is at least someone or sometimes several someones.

Recently, I was at an event with one of those someone’s.  A buffet lunch was served and people could sit wherever they chose.  There was an empty seat directly across from my someone.  Instead of taking another seat, I chose that seat.  For the next half hour, I listened attentively, asked questions when appropriate and engaged as wholeheartedly as I knew how.

Later that same day, he gave me a book, and that evening we found ourselves sitting side by side at the bar.  He introduced me to the bartender saying, “This is Elizabeth.  We like each other now”.

Surprised and a bit uncomfortable I asked, “Didn’t we like each other before?”

He replied, “You didn’t like me”.

I was quiet for a moment feeling “found out” and embarrassed by the truth of what he was saying.  I replied, “Sometimes it felt like you made my work harder”.

I learned some interesting things that day about him and about me.

In the deep listening I discovered someone who:
• Was hurt and wanted to connect
• Knew the feelings I had thought I hid
• Was willing to be open and not hold a grudge
• Was not the pain/bore/hanger-on I had feared

Seeing and hearing someone is great gift. Yet while you may think it is just a gift for your someone, (and it is), it is also a gift you give yourself.

What I learned is that when I find myself running away from someone (unless that someone is dangerous or abusive), it’s time to stop, look, listen and be present.  It’s time to check out my assumptions and give my someone and myself another chance.  You may be surprised by what you discover.

Experiment this week and let me know what happens.

Until next Tuesday.

Elizabeth