I’m so angry I just want to tell him off… can you believe he had the nerve to… after all I’ve done… how could he…?
Righteous indignation. There’s nothing like it. It gives us permission to express feelings, use strong language and stay focused on the flaws of the other person. As well it revs up the heartbeat, pumps out adrenaline and distracts us from the daily routine of life. That’s why we can find it so intoxicating.
But like any intoxicant it has a dark side.
Indignation keeps us:
- Focused on the past, when there are opportunities in the present and future.
- Fixated on something we can’t change.
- Centered on someone else rather than our own part in whatever happened.
- Consumed with another so you don’t get to have the chance to go deeper with yourself.
So what do you do when you feel that rush of righteous indignation flood through you? Here are seven simple steps that will lead you back:
- Be the witness: Watch it run its course but try not to engage with it.
- Distill it: What is this really about? Fairness, self-worth, reciprocity, stinginess?
- Question your assumptions: What assumptions have you made about the other person or about what the other person thinks of you?
- Consider the options: What otherexplanations for their behavior might be possible? (The way they are behaving may have nothing to do with you!)
- Turn it around: What part of the situation may be your responsibility?
- Make amends: What are you willing to do to “clean it up?”
- Check-in: Are you ready to let go of your anger and direct your energy forward?
Indignation is a seductive emotion. When it walks into the room, all our attention goes toward it – so remember to turn your precious attention back to the one person who matters most in the world to you: Yourself. Let me know how you face indignation!
Until next Tuesday.
Elizabeth