In A Shot Of Optimism, Uncategorized

“Comparisons are odious”  – Shakespeare

Nine women sat around a stone fireplace in a cottage on the Rhode Island coast.  Ranging in age from late eighties to early forties.   Their professional interests as wide ranging as their ages – from Cardy Raper, the scientist and author of the wild book Love, Sex and Mushrooms, to horse whisperer Nicole Birkholtzer to dancer, housewife, professor, entrepreneur and business consultant.  I was one of them.

What brought us all together?  We are all writers.

This was a salon for writers.

In the weeks before the event I had been too busy to consider that I, a business consultant was about to spend a long weekend with REAL writers.  I didn’t have time to get intimidated.

Upon arrival in Providence I was greeted by one of my enthusiastic hosts.  She looked like a writer, slim, long hair, no make up.  See how I was already comparing.  As she introduced herself I learned she had spent her whole career in publishing.  In spite of her warm welcome, I could hear the voice of the Triple J (jury, judge and jailer) saying, “what were you thinking coming to a writers’ retreat?”

Yet as the others arrived, I found myself relaxing into that gentle space that women create as we get to know each other.  A bowl of steaming soup and a glass of wine later we were ready for our first writing session.

For thirty minutes I wrote, it flowed, I didn’t fret.

Now it was time to read our pieces aloud.  Kathleen started.

Her images were grim, haunting and memorable.

As Laura read, her characters came alive, I could see them, feel them.  It was like watching a movie.

Cardy’s writing was spare and compelling like an Andrew Wythe drawing.

I longed to skip my turn….  I felt my piece suffered by comparison.  It wasn’t as artistic as Kathleen’s, as cinematic as Laura’s, as compelling as Cardy’s. But of course I didn’t skip my turn…

The group received my piece with the same welcome… AS IF I WERE A WRITER!?

Each woman had a voice.  Over the weekend I heard the power and consistency of each.  And finally I heard the power and consistency of my own.  I am indeed a writer.  Phew! I’ve said it.

It is human nature to compare.  But comparisons lead to good/bad; better/worse.  Comparisons can stop you in your tracks.  They negate and intimidate.  We each have a “voice” and it’s easy to diminish the power of that voice by comparing it instead of realizing it’s just a DIFFERENT VOICE.

Every time you start comparing yourself to others STOP and ask these four questions to bring you back to your own Yippee:

  • How does it make you feel to compare?
  • Can you really know it’s true that s/he is happier, better, luckier than you?
  • How is your voice different from theirs?
  • What makes yours special?

Stay on your own page.  Hike your own hike.  Believe in your own voice, it’s all part of your path to Yippee.

See you next Tuesday.  Yippee!


Showing 4 comments
  • Kathleen Moran

    Elizabeth. This was wonderful to read. You are, indeed, a writer. A compelling one. A very intelligent one. It’s human nature to compare, but you’re right. It doesn’t feel good. As I listened to your voice in that room of writers I wanted my writing to sound more like yours, lighter, easier. But that’s not my story, so I settled in and wrote what came up in my writer’s soul, and the reception reassured me I do, indeed, have my own voice. Thank you for this post and the awareness it brings to we writers. Hope to meet again – perhaps in Florida.
    With fond memories, Kathleen

    • elizabeth

      Thanks Kathleen for your warm words. Oh how we long for what we see in others. It begins early. I wish my hair were curly like Suzie while Suzie thinks I wish my hair were straight like Mary’s. I too look forward to meeting again.

  • Desiree

    Great timing for me to read this article. I have a bad habit of comparing someone’s outside success to my current journey. “I’m not as good as them”. “My website isn’t as well built..” This was a great reminder that I love where I’m at and what I do! Thanks Elizabeth!

    • elizabeth

      Thanks for writing Desiree. We ALL do this! The best way to get over it is to become aware then realize we may not know the whole story.


Leave a Comment

Contact Us

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Not readable? Change text.